My darker insecurities.

He came home tonight.
"Why are all the lights on in the house?" he asks.
"Because I was scared" I mumble.
"scared of what?"
"everything........!"
"Everything? You cannot possibly be scared of everything?"
"Wanna bet ,because I am." I meekly say while carrying on with my work.
"Okay, tell me one thing that you are scared of"
"I can tell you many." still busy. Not bothering to look up.
He goes around switching lights off and yells from the passage, "well start with one then."
"okay, I am scared of the illuminati."
"what?"
"You heard me, the illuminati"
"You do know how ridiculous you sound?"
He aways says things like that, making me feel less inclined to further the conversation and yet as I feel him judging me and condemming my emotions to stupidty, I carry on with my work, not letting him know how much his critisms hurt. He lets out a bellowing laugh that churns my insides because it reeks of ridicule. He enters the room and with that goofey smile on his face, kisses me on the top of his head, all the while I continue on. I hate that he does that, patronises me with mock affection.
"Go on," he says " what else scares you?
I know he does not really care and is looking for further amusement and yet I cannot help myself. I stop this time and look him square in the face that still has that pathetic half smile where he tries to look concerned but cannot help himself. I pause, an effect clearly lost on his half wit.
"Death, love, being and not being, having and not having." I have lost him, I can see it in his face. He is not sure what to say and just stares back at me, only this time the smile is gone and I have achieved all I can with him.
"This converstion is a lost cause."
"You are weird. Scared of crap and here I thought you were going to say something like ghosts or vampires. What am I going to do with you?"
And just like that he reverts backs to his cynical, patronising self. I continue on with my work but a sly smile starts at the corner of my mouth. I had him there for a moment, I really had him.